slow burn

So here’s the thing that they don’t tell you about becoming a woman in middle age: it’s both a blessing and a curse. Moving into my 40s helped me leave the self loathing of my 30s and the utter chaos of my 20s but it also signaled a new kind of disruption: the mid life crisis. Mine started about three years ago, right on schedule.

Now when you think of mid life crises I bet you’re picturing a balding, middle aged man driving a convertible with a young pretty woman in the passenger seat, right? Well where are the middle aged women’s stereotypes? Is all we get menopause? Forget that.

I have this theory about women going through their 40s and I want to share it with you. Women don’t implode their lives in middle age like some men do when they’re in crisis, our crises are slow burns. We simmer our angst, rage, disappointment and restlessness. We simmer and we wait. Women, especially those of us with children, are far too practical to just walk away from our entire lives.

My sense is we do other things like self medicate with food, drugs, alcohol, shopping, affairs, over exercising, numb with TV or movies or just check out from ourselves, our relationships, our lives. We dial it in. We yell at our kids and our partners, we get depressed. Eventually maybe we even get sick. This is my theory of the slow burning mid life crisis, it just sort of lasts a long time unless you deal with it. Unless you get real and say I want something different, something better for myself. I don’t want a life that just simmers, I’m trying to create a life of joy, engagement and love. That’s what I want for myself and for you too because we all deserve it. xo Janet

Published by Janet Gwilliam-Wright

Feminist and queer. Professional teller of truths. Slayer of personal demons.

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