I’ve always had anxiety but when my mom died, it got so much worse. I feared happiness, feared the worst would happen if I got what I wanted. If I experienced success or joy, I would always wait for the other shoe to drop. My anxiety has always been in the driver’s seat until I started cognitive behavioural therapy three years ago and learned how to deal with it. I’m still not totally there, there are days when it really gets to me.
I think the worst thing about anxiety is that it comes on when you’re not looking, not paying attention. I would often be in the middle of a panic attack, heart racing, palms sweating, dizziness and I wouldn’t even realize what was happening until it was over. I have gotten better at recognizing the warning signs but there are days when I still get really overwhelmed.
I hope that if you have that feeling of waiting for the other shoe to drop, you know that it is fixable. Living with anxiety isn’t inevitable, there are ways to deal with it. I’m pretty sure I’ll always live with some level of anxiety, some days when I’m waiting for that other shoe. But the time in between when that happens are getting longer and longer. And that makes the joy even better. xo Janet