The feeling that we are often told to feel is fear. We are so often told, especially as kids, that we’re supposed to feel the fear and do it anyway. What about sadness, grief, anxiety, remorse, jealousy, worthlessness, joy? As humans, we are wired to feel and yet we numb like crazy with drugs and alcohol, sex, shopping, food and our phones. We numb so we don’t have to feel the feelings. We numb so we don’t have to process our trauma, memories, feelings of insecurity, lack of confidence or general sense of malaise.
We are in tough times folks. For many of us, times are physically easy, historically speaking. Psychologically, we are in tough times. The news this week has been awful, and that’s saying something for 2019. We are in a collective free-fall, psychologically speaking. And I’m really worried about what all of this trauma is doing to our psyches. I’m worried about what all this trauma is doing to our alcohol intake and credit card balances.
I’ve had plenty of trauma, plenty of pain. I’ve had more than my fair share of alcohol, credit card debt and numbing. I will use my phone to distract myself, worry about my level distraction and then get more distracted. There feels like there aren’t enough hours in the day to be sad or worried or fearful about what’s happening in the world or what has happened to us in the past. There often aren’t enough hours, life is busy and stressful. But there are small windows where we can find a space to feel our feelings. Therapy helps. Meditation is good. Exercise can really be helpful. Journaling helps some people although I’ve always found it tedious. I started writing this blog to get out a lot of the stuff that has rummaging around in my head for the last twenty years.
The difficulty with not feeling our feelings is that numbing results in anger, frustration, depression, anxiety, perfectionism, overachieving, micromanaging and a host of other dysfunctional ways of coping. We yell at our kids, spouses, sometimes or coworkers or employees, we anxiously meddle, we try to control our surroundings. So in the hopes that some of you may be open to feeling your feels, know this: it’s not as scary as you think it will be. What feels like our crazy is only scary to us; therapists don’t scare easily unless they’re not good at their job. So go ahead, feel your feelings. Dip your toe in the feelings water if you’re not used to it, it just takes practice. The more you do it, the easier it gets, I promise. xo Janet