Dragging my ass

So when you have a mood disorder like me, there are good times of year and bad. Or good times of year and less good. Fall is less good for me. I’m slower, less focused, more worried, don’t sleep as well and generally have a hard time motivating myself to get out of bed. I knew when I started this blog that fall was really going to be a challenge – getting up at 5am to write is almost an impossibility at this point.

The problem for me is that even though this happens every year, like clockwork, I always beat myself up about it. I always feel crappy, like I’m not doing what I should or could because I’m more tired than usual. And despite my best efforts to remind myself that I’m doing my best and that this is what for me living with a mood disorder looks like, I still wind up feeling like I don’t measure up somehow. And I apologize for my lack of organization and try not to feel overwhelmed.

The thing is, I love writing this blog, and I love being connected to the people who read it. I just can’t do it the way I normally have. So I’ll write on my commute or take a break at lunch. Or write on the weekends and post later.

I know that by the time December rolls around and the days start getting longer again I’ll stop dragging my ass out of bed every morning and get some of my energy back. Until then, I’ll do my best, try to cut myself some slack and remember that even on the days I don’t feel great, I’m still doing pretty well. And so are you. Xo Janet

Published by Janet Gwilliam-Wright

Feminist and queer. Professional teller of truths. Slayer of personal demons.

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